Thank you, Miss Bad at Driving in Ice

I got lost four times today. I wish I could tell you I was making some sort of spiritual or emotional analogy, but I was really, physically lost four times today. The first time, I thought I had an excuse. I did just move to Atlanta and I am still learning my way around. However, considering I only drove to and from work, and to and from the mall, it seems almost impossible that I managed to get lost four times. It’s really one of my more impressive feats.

During my last drive, after I’d stopped and asked for directions twice (yes, twice), I decided that I actually have a disability. When I am at a corner, wondering which way to go home, I will undoubtedly pick the wrong direction. Most people can guess, and say, “I have a feeling home is that way.” Well, when I have a feeling home is to the right, I can guarantee home is to the left. I’ve tried to outsmart myself, and if I feel like home is to the right, I go left, in order to counteract my terrible sense of direction. However, it seems that when I try to outsmart myself, my poor directional sense still prevails, and it turns out, in this one instance, home really was right. (I am the poster child for GPS)

As I was swerving from one lane to another, trying to decide which way to go at each light, I started thinking. I really feel that my car should be marked. I should have a special license plate so people know I am bad at directions. That way, when I swerve onto an exit at the last minute, no one will be alarmed. Furthermore, it would be nice if I were at a light, and someone rolled down their window and said, “Do you know where you’re going? Could I help you? I’m from the area, and I see from your license plate that you’re from out of town and bad at directions. That’s a lethal combination; I’d love to offer assistance.”

And, these special plates don’t have to be specific to someone that is directionally challenged. People who are bad at merging could have their own plates too. That way, you’d know that they might miss the merge sign, so be careful when their lane is about to end in ten feet and they finally realize it. And maybe, other drivers could have plates for having bad vision at night or for being bad at driving in poor weather conditions. If I saw someone with a license plate with a background covered in raindrops, then when it’s raining, I’d know to leave more space between my vehicle and theirs. It really is a perfect solution for preventing dangerous driving. And, I certainly would have been happy if Mr. Bad at Merging offered me directions, and I could say to him, “Thank you for the directions, sir. Don’t forget, we’re going to merge in 20 feet.”