09 October 2013

on being single // update


I'm out of here next week. Hopping on a plane from ATL > Amsterdam > Rwanda > Uganda. I'm in full on go mode. My mind is running nonstop and if I go anywhere at all without my to do list, I return to my desk with six emails from myself. Pack this. Buy that. Don't forget to get a flu shot.

It's all go go go and every time I sit down to write a blog post, I get three or four thoughts going and somehow end up back where I began, deleting it all. My mind can't slow down enough to process and I know the minute I land in my seat on the plane my brain will begin to flood with posts. I'll be scribbling notes into the margins of my books, dog earring the pages so I remember where I wrote that random idea.

But I also know I desperately need to blog now about my break from dating. Because when I get back from Africa, it will be over and everything will be different. I won't be in the woods anymore, but instead in the meadow, and everything looks different from there. 

First of all, I've had a lot more fun being single than I expected. I've had this new attitude of I do what I want and I hope I can hold onto it as I go from this place. I wear what I want, go where I want and - more importantly - stay home when I want. It's amazing. 


And you know what else? I've stopped stressing about my future. I've stopped worrying about finding someone and started resting in the peace that everything is perfect in God's timing. I feel so much more relaxed; at peace. 

Surprisingly, it's the least lonely I've felt in months. I know it's because I've stopped looking at the empty seat next to me every day - hoping someone will sit in it. And instead, have started to embrace how deeply I'm getting to know myself. And someday, the seat will be full again. But I pray that I don't forget this feeling; that even in the darkest hours of loneliness, I will hold on to this feeling of peace. That I will remember that my worth is not from having a plus one, but instead rooted in Christ. 


It's both exciting and relaxing and is taking away my fear of being alone - my fear of having no boy to text or take to a wedding. Y'all know I can boogie solo.

I hope you don't read this as some congratulatory post to myself ("Good job, Whitney, for going on no dates in six weeks!"). But instead, I hope you see it as one of gratitude. I'm so grateful for the support I've received and the things I've come to understand these last few weeks. I went into this season feeling dry - alone and lonely and wanting someone, anyone, to care to know my heart. But alas, I feel in bloom again - knowing deeply, deeply that everything is right in God's timing. 


9 comments:

  1. I am so happy that you're looking at singlehood in such a healthy way. You're going to have an amazing life Whitney due to the way you view the world. And the love of your life is somewhere out there waiting on you when the time is right :)

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  2. This is awesome, Whit. You said exactly how I've been feeling the last couple of months while I've been living in Aussie. It's not always easy, but you learn so much about yourself when traveling. It's a time to focus on yourself and doing what is best for YOU. Boys and relationships will happen when they're supposed to ;) I hope you have an amazing time in Uganda and keep up the amazing writing!

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    1. thank you, molly! i am so glad we are on the same page :)

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  3. I just discovered your blog, and I seriously feel like I'm talking to one of my best friends. Thanks for giving voice to this confusing 20something experience. I have a question for you, and I hope you don't think it's weird. Could you share a little about how you made your friends? I am about to move to a new city where I know very few people, which I've never done before. I'm very nervous about how to meet people I can hang out with. You seem to have made wonderful post-college friends in Atlanta. How did you do it? Thank you so much for any advice you can give!!

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    1. Thank you for the sweet words! I will do a post about that for sure :)

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