20 November 2013

what i learned during my break from dating

It feels like a lifetime ago that I told you about my five week sabbatical from dating. And, if I can say this without sounding too dramatic: it has been life changing. 

Let me be clear, here. I wasn't fending men off with a baseball bat. I was asked on exactly two dates during the five weeks, during one of which I already had plans and the other of which I explained (verbosely) about my hiatus. 

I'm nothing if not smooth, right? 

However, regardless of whether or not men sought after my heart during the break, God most certainly did. The five weeks were some of the most transformative I've ever experienced. They were followed by Uganda and together the pair left me wrecked in the best way possible. 

Here's what happened:

1. I stopped caring about what I wear. Sure I still love clothes, but for the first time ever I didn't think twice about wearing something bold for fear of not being asked out. I rocked my Teva's. I wore scrunchies. I ran errands without makeup. HECK the day before Uganda I went to the bank in tevas, no makeup, a scrunchie AND a Lands End fair isle black, teal and purple youth sweatshirt. 

Is this extreme? Yes. Am I still dressing like a hooligan? No. 

Well, mostly no. But I am dressing for myself and not with the hope of meeting a guy. 

Which leads me to...

2. For the first time in years, I feel so fully like myself. I have a constant anthem playing in my mind that my husband will love me for me - the honest, full, joke-making version of myself that I once only showed close friends and family. 

3. I do things I want and I don't do things I don't want. Mainly, I don't go places with the hope of meeting my husband. I stopped looking for him at Whole Foods. 

And it has translated into other areas of my life, too. I don't say yes to plans I have no interest in doing. I learned to say no. Gahlee it only took 27 years. 

4. I don't care when I get married. 

Are you shocked?

Me too, y'all! But I mean it. Do I still want to get married and have kids? Of course. But I fully trust, without a doubt, that God hasn't forgotten me. He's working on my heart. There might be more work to do before I'm ready. And I'm ok with that. He knows what's good. He knows I want lots of kids and we've got a deal that I'll be given triplets if time starts ticking to quickly. 

I'm kidding. 

But seriously, stranger things have happened and I don't need to panic or control things. God has it covered. 

Also, I'll just steal my sisters' babies if it comes down to it. They're basically half mine anyway as their aunt. 

I'm kidding again. (Less so this time though.) 

When I was in Africa, one night after dinner Bob Goff and I were talking and he said: Whitney, whatever you do, don't settle. Just run as fast as you can toward what you want, and if you find a guy that can keep up, let him run beside you. 

So I'm just running. Teva's and all. 

5. I now understand that I was idolizing marriage. Or rather, the next phase of life. That house-buying, being in love, honey-moon taking phase. But now I see that I can't put that phase before God. He is bigger and better than that phase and when the time is right, I'll get there. For now, I just have to pursue a relationship with Him and live the best life I can.

SO. With all of that to be said:

If you're thinking you might be obsessed with dating/finding your husband...

If you're the girl that, every time a friend  or coworker mentions "her brother" you have to restrain yourself from not asking immediately: is he single!? 

If you stalk boys in the grocery store...

If you wake up wondering what you can do TODAY to find your husband...

If every night you pray and tell God come onnn don't you see I'm ready!? 

Maybe you want to consider a little break? Or email me! I'm happy to give more detail on my experience. 

All I know is that two months ago I was panicked about turning 27 and being single, and today I feel like I'm watching a movie. I'm just going where I want, wearing what I want, and watching God do the rest. With popcorn, of course. Gotta have snacks. 

Happy Wednesday friends! 


  1. Yes! I want to send this to so many of my girlfriends-- it's so easy to get caught in the comparison trap and think if it's the right time for my friends, it must be the right time for me, too. But that's just not true, and it's not what God tells me either. I have to take a step back and realize He makes all things work together for my good, even in the waiting!

  2. always gotta have snacks. I burst out laughing when I got to the end. LOVE YOU! I needed this, after a mini breakdown Tuesday night after I realized I was approaching 25 [seriously, I know]

    rock yo tevas, they sexy gurrrrl.

    1. hahaha i knew you'd appreciate that RC :)

  3. wow. so well put. you're perfection, girl.

  4. Such a great post. Glad your hiatus was so successful - seems like you've learned a ton in such a short amount of time. I could not agree more wholeheartedly that your husband should love you for YOU! :)

  5. I love this! You're so amazing and wise beyond your years. That is going to be one lucky man with triplets and an awesome wife!:)

  6. I love this and am so glad to hear that your break was so successful! I love that quote from Bob, and just know you're going to find an amazing husband someday! I like to think mine is out there running full speed ahead towards his goals as well, and we'll just bump into each other along the way.


    1. i think they definitely will do that :)

  7. girl. i am proud of you for being yourself. you wouldn't want a guy who wouldn't let you be you anyway! nikes, a vneck, no make up, and chacos are my go to. i found a man who wears chacos, shorts and a tshirt year round (in colorado!). he also loves the "camp" Elizabeth best and always tells me I don't need make up.

    Wait for a man that loves you being you, not anyone else!

  8. Do I still want to get married and have kids? Of course. But I fully trust, without a doubt, that God hasn't forgotten me. He's working on my heart. There might be more work to do before I'm ready. And I'm ok with that. He knows what's good.

    This line could possibly be written using my words exactly! You and I are having the same thoughts. Can I steal this?

    1. girl, so glad we are on the same page! of course - preach! :)

  9. I LOVED this post, every bit of it. God does have a plan for all of us and it's kind of hard to remember that sometimes, congrats on being brave and knowing what to do!

    Andrea Fer

  10. Oh, girl. So excited for you that you're learning these things. They're crucial! I read 'Sacred Marriage: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?' the year I graduated from college, when I was single, and it helped to shift my perspective on marriage and whether or not I was "ready" for it immensely.

    I love Bob's bit of wisdom he shared with you. It reminds me of this quote from (yes, get ready) Sex and the City that has always stuck with me since I heard it: “Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with them." -Carrie Bradshaw

    Keep running, Whitney!

    1. i love this quote and i want to read this book!!!! thank you E!

  11. Thanks for sharing! I've always been the independent one and it's interesting seeing my friends get into relationships and feel like we need to be doing something to "get our life in order". I think our 20's are perfect for finding out about ourselves and the times where I don't care about clothes or making a perfect appearance, I meet the best people! Things will work out and we can't stress too much about them. Easier said than done though ;)

  12. I so needed this today.

    So friggen amazing. xoxoxoxoxoxo


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