A funny thing is happening this week. As God is showing me very literally: you can live with less, meaning one less body part, I'm also seeing that I can really, really live with less. This week I've been hit with the harsh reality that even though I feel a whole lot better, I'm still pretty tired and I can't do everything I had planned.
On Monday, I worked from home in the afternoon and skipped three evening commitments - too tired to fathom why I committed to them in the first place, post-appendectomy. Tonight, I've decided not to use my ticket to the Braves game and instead stay home. I haven't worked out. I'm not even eating as much, with my appetite still low.
I have slowed down in every facet of my life.
I know next week I'll be back in full swing. I'll be running fast with work and commitments and hopefully exercise, but this has shown me that maybe it isn't all quite as necessary as I thought. I prefer life busy, but this week is reminding me that busy doesn't make me, me. It just makes life busy.
I often think that when I'm busy, I'm happy and more myself. This week is showing me that with less going on (and more sleep gained!), I'm still pretty dang content.
Last night I talked to Ashley and she told me that maybe God was using this time to show me I needed to slow down.
And then yesterday Shauna Niequist wrote this blog post about this very topic. She said, very aptly, just what I'm feeling around the idea of taking on less: "That’s the scary spot for me: will I be bored? Will I be lonely? Will the quiet freak me out?"
I don't know.
I sat at home a few nights ago, reading on the porch after cooking a healthy dinner, going for a long walk and talking to friends on the phone, wondering if I'd created all that chaos for the wrong reasons. Will I get frustrated if I slow down? Or will I be happier? Will I lose myself? Or the ability to run fast and hard and be constantly busy?
I don't know. I know I can't get my appendix back. But I'm pretty sure I can get the busy back. But first, I'm exploring this unknown land of a little less. I might find out that this land is just where I want to be.