Five Facts from a Guy #11 {about dating}

Happiest of Fridays, readerfriends! Today's Five Facts from a Guy comes from my old friend, Ben. He and I go way back to middle school and high school, but he moved to Atlanta a few years ago for his medical residency. We've become good friends again since then!

Ben and I often have different perspectives on things, so I was excited to hear his view on the early days of dating. Below he shares shares the wisdom he's learned from his days on the scene. Enjoy!

And, in case you've missed them, catch up on the previous Five Facts from a Guy posts.

1.  The guy you are dating, without a doubt, thinks you are beautiful.  Own it!  Stop worrying about your height, weight, makeup, and clothes because guys don't really care about those things! Believe me you look just as good in a sundress as you do in jeans and a t-shirt (or wearing pajamas with wet hair for that matter).  Dress the way you like and the way that makes you feel good.  And if you don't feel good about your body (we have all been there), carpe diem! Take charge of your body and happiness. Guys find confidence most attractive, so do the things you need to do to feel that way.

2.  Time apart is good for both of us. This is a recurring theme among the Five Facts from a Guy posts. That is because it is really important.  Maintain your friendships and keep doing the activities that made me interested in you in the first place.  I'll go on run or hang with my friends in the meantime.  And please don't cancel plans with your friends and family to spend time with a significant other watching Breaking Bad.  Your other relationships will dwindle and you will begin to feel desperate to spend time with your significant other.

3. An inability to detach from your phone irritates us. I know I'm 30 going on 53 on this one, but please detach from your smartphone, your smartwatch, and the rest of your smartdevices for just a couple of hours so that we can enjoy the wine and tapas.  I get it, you have a very active twitter account, instagram account, snapchat account, pinterest account, facebook account, and you have gotten 10 texts from your girlfriends plus two work-related emails. We are interested in spending quality time with you and it annoys us to look across the table at someone that is completely disengaged.

4. You hold the trump card of physical intimacy! So ladies, don't give it up on the first date! Every guy wants to get physical. It's how we are wired. You'll save a lot of heartache to wait until you are in a committed relationship. Hold out until you have the level of commitment you want and you'll quickly find out if he is interested in you and being an important part of your life.  It may sound crazy but soon enough it will be him bringing up the DTR talk (defining the relationship).

5.  There are good guys out there. You never know where you can meet somebody. Maybe online, maybe at the grocery store. So don't sweat it  if your relationships don't play out as you expected.  If you are honest and true to yourself, you'll find the guy you are looking for.

Five Facts from a Guy {about when you know you’ve got it good.} #10

Happy first Friday in August, dear readers! I always love that Friday feeling, but this week I'm feeling extra amped. I'm staying in town and am thrilled about it. Tomorrow, I'm doing a Core Power Yoga class, going to True Food then hitting the pool. Wahoo!

To kick off the weekend, I have another round of Five Facts from a Guy! Today we're checking in with Peter, who recently proposed to my dear friend, Jordan. I first met Peter when he and Jor came to Atlanta in 2014. I know I have no proof of this, but, even then I knew he was the guy for her. I was so happy when they got engaged in July! Today he's posting about when to know you've got a good thing going.

And, in case you've missed them, catch up on the previous Five Facts from a Guy posts.

1. Be willing to try new things. I guess it’s expected that by our mid-twenties we’re supposed to know exactly what we like and don’t like, but I’m not totally sold on that idea.  I can tell you unequivocally that I’m not really into mayonnaise, and as embarrassing as it is, traditional sun tan lotion kind of weirds me out because of multiple similarities between the two.  However, I’m slowly warming up to spray on sunscreen, due to my fiance’s general distaste for skin cancer.  A true win win.  In the same vain, she’s totally willing to try a “no thank you bite” of whatever exotic seafood dish I’ve ordered for dinner – even though she hates pretty much everything that lives in of the ocean that isn’t a mermaid.  Anyway, my point is to not be afraid of change and through compromise you sometimes have way more fun than you’ve ever expected.

2. Be authentic. Far too frequently people to try to manufacture a persona they’ve decided is “who they want to be” but isn’t who they actually are.  It turns out false appearances are pretty tough to keep up and usually quite transparent.  If you don’t like PF Changs because it reminds you of your ex-boyfriend, that’s something I should know.  If my favorite food in the whole wide world is candy corn, I’m not going to be afraid to tell you.  The people who live in catalogs aren’t real – and if they were, I bet they’d stink.  And sometimes I can still disagree with the “real you.”  For example, my fiancé pretends to like football games, but happily let me know she thinks the game should be shortened to eliminate the fourth quarter – because she gets bored.  That’s just crazytalk.  All in all, I think people with substance are cool.  We’ve all got some kind of weirdo baggage.  Share and embrace in it.  It’s what makes you you.

3. Laugh. This one’s pretty simple.  Do it.  Laugh at each other, laugh with other people and never grow too old to laugh at yourself.  Sometimes you accidentally go pee right after you’ve cut a bunch of jalapenos for your fiancé’s recipe (she was just my girlfriend then, but I bet she’s still behave the exact same way today) and before you know it, she’s rolling on the floor in laughter as you’re getting in touch with feelings you never knew existed in places that aren’t appropriate to talk about on the internet. In the end, that was funny for me too, but for FAR different reasons.  Laughter can take different shapes.  It could be the giggles you still share over the first time you accidentally kissed years before you even thought about dating or the uncontrollable fits you experience laughing along with trash TV shows like Hollywood Game Night.  Either way, laugh.  Life’s too short to be serious all the time.

4. Share your friends. The people someone surrounds them self with say a lot about who they are, who they’ve been and ultimately, who they’re going to be.  You need to be comfortable with and embrace her friends, just as she should do the same with yours.  Knowing that my “new girlfriend” could survive an afternoon (more than 6 hours alone) in the gauntlet with my mostly single and untamed fraternity brothers while accompanying me to our first wedding together was an immediate sign this relationship was going places I never imagined.  Similarly, when I found myself texting her friends to get together for dinner while she was out of town for vacation, I realized it was game-over.  One of the things I’m most looking forward to is seeing these two crazy worlds collide in just a few months.  I’m not sure the world is ready for what’s to come.

5. Tell me when I’m being stupid. If you’re dating someone who tells you that you’re perfect all the time without exception – that person is a liar.  We’ve all have bad days, accidentally drank too much on a Thursday or sometimes get frustrated and accidentally hurt a friend’s feelings.  I think that’s part of life.  At least it’s part of mine.  It takes someone special to help you realize that you’ve goofed up and need to correct course, sometimes without even speaking those words.  It just as important to have someone in your corner who’s not unafraid to tell you that you’re being an a punk as it is to have someone pat your back when you’ve succeeded.

Five Facts from a Guy {about recognizing when you’ve found the right person} #9

Happy Five Facts Friday, friends!

This week, we're hearing from William, who just proposed to my cousin, Allie, last Friday :) I am so happy to call him her fiancé as I introduce him on my blog! He's sharing about how you know when you've found the one, which is especially timely in his life.

And, in case you've missed the other Five Facts from a Guy Friday posts, read them here.

{Allie & William live in Santa Monica, which is way, way too far away. But really fun to visit :)}

1. The truer you are to yourself, the closer you grow.  Everybody puts on a front in the early stages of dating and a relationship.  It’s only natural that you want to present the best version of yourself.  Over time you get more comfortable letting down your guard and showing your true colors.  With the right person, your weirdness and idiosyncrasies will bring you closer together.  Several previous posts have mentioned men want ladies to be true to themselves, to wear less makeup rather than more, to show us your weirdness.  In the right relationship, the more you let the other person in, the more intimacy you will build, and the more fun you will have together.

2. You need the same amount of each others' time, or at least understand your differences.  This one is huge.  A relationship that is unbalanced in terms of how much time each partner wants and needs to spend with the other will be immensely difficult.  A person’s need for their own time and space can vary dramatically, as can their need for time together with their significant other.  Needing your own time and space doesn’t mean you love the other person any less, but people sometimes need to be by themselves to collect their thoughts and recharge.  There is no worse feeling than thinking your partner doesn’t want to spend time with you, and that’s why this is such an important issue.  Understanding each other’s needs in these departments is crucial for a happy and fulfilling relationship where you can be comfortable in spending time together while also getting your important alone time to recharge.

3. You both work together for the relationship.  Let’s get super cliché here for a quick second.  Relationships are hard work, and it’s important that you are both working on the relationship together.  Some people have a tendency to get complacent in relationships.  I certainly have in the past.  But really, when a relationship is right, you both enjoy growing together, and that is not always a smooth process.  There will be bumps and challenges and obstacles along the way, and knowing that you have a teammate who will proactively work through these challenges with you makes these growing pains much more manageable and part of the adventure.  When you’ve found someone you work well with and you share the commitment to put in the work a relationship takes, you will find the things life throws at you that are pitfalls for other relationships become much smoother in yours.

4. Their people become your people and it’s awesome.  One of the most fun parts of a relationship is getting to know your partner through other people in their lives.  As a relationship progresses you meet the friends and the family and the high school friends and the extended family, and it’s a great way to discover all sorts of things you wouldn’t otherwise have known about that person.  When a relationship is right, this is a really fun process.  You feel your friend network double as you meet people for the first time who you’ve heard countless stories about and are fast friends.  You gain an extended family that cares for you and you think hopefully might not be as crazy as your own.  Who a person surrounds themselves with speaks volumes about that person, and being embraced by and embracing the people in your partner’s life is a wonderful feeling and a great sign you’ve found the right person.

5. The right person inspires you to be your best, for both of you.  Part of what makes relationships difficult is that we are constantly changing.  Interests and passions ebb and flow as do a person’s priorities.  This is a huge part of why relationships take work – to be sure they evolve with the changes to your personalities and lives together.  The right partner will challenge and inspire you to grow and excel outside of your comfort zone as your lives together grow.  You should return the favor by challenging and inspiring them, and also by striving to be your best so you can be the best possible partner.  At the end of the day, your relationship will be as strong as the two of you work to make it, and by challenging each other to be the best version of yourselves and committing to work towards this end, you will give your relationship the best chance to succeed.  If you’ve found a person who will share this commitment with you, never let them go!

Five Facts from a Guy {about girls} #8

Happy Five Facts Friday, my friends! I'm in Charleston for a bachelorette party for my friend, Katie. Giving us that endless male wisdom this week is Chris' (and now my!) friend, Walker.

He's just a little over two months into marriage and it's inspiring to read his advice and know that he's found these things in his wife, Jessica.

And, in case you've missed them, catch up on the previous Five Facts from a Guy posts.

{This May, Chris and I attended his wedding in Montgomery, where he married his college sweetheart. I got to know Walker well last year over Memorial Day, when he came to town to visit Chris. It was wonderful to see him so relaxed, certain and in love on his wedding day.}

1. And now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good.  The best relationships don’t demand perfection.  They encourage growth through understanding and patience and redemption. For me, this is Christianity in a single sentence (from Steinbeck’s East of Eden).  And while many embrace this sentiment on a spiritual level, it can be harder to apply to everyday relationships.  If you don’t expect us to be perfect, we will usually surprise you to the good.      

2. Date the person you want to be.  A modification of be yourself, perhaps the most ubiquitous pearl of wisdom.  Be yourself is obvious and powerful and, for most of us, unattainable.  Our self is always changing and is inevitably influenced by those around us.  So, by all means, befriend and date people who allow you to be yourself.  But also befriend and date people who help you change yourself for the better.

3. Familiarity breeds contentment, not contempt.  An immediate spark is great, but sustained relationships hit their stride in the middling and the mundane.  If you expect persistent highs, you’re likely to be disappointed when life’s other priorities start to encroach on your relationship.  That’s not to cater to complacency but to advocate for the little moments – the incremental happiness that comes from a shared smile, a knowing hug.  Because those moments are always accessible, so long as you have the right partner.

4. Don’t dismiss the things that bother you.  Especially if you’re dismissing them because that’s just how guys are.  At first, you may be right – we have plenty of deficiencies – but we also have the capacity to change, the capacity to explore emotional issues, and the capacity to care about you.  So communicate, and we just might surprise you (my wife is rolling her eyes).

5. Read Zach Lowe. Or don’t. But find something that he likes, and learn one fact about it (only if he reciprocates, of course). As Whitney’s brother pointed out, our interests don’t have to be your interests, but it doesn’t require a huge investment to show us you care.  It’s easy to read Zach Lowe’s free agency column and drop a LaMarcus Aldridge reference at dinner.  I’ll smile, and we’ll share a moment and then you can go back to ignoring basketball.

Five Facts from a Guy {things women assume men know but we actually don’t} #7

Another Friday, another round of awesome insight from the gentlemen in my life! Today's facts are from Chris' (and now my!) friend, Garrett. He's here to tell us the things that we think and want men to know, but they don't actually know if we don't tell them.

Genius.

And, in case you've missed them, catch up on the previous Five Facts from a Guy posts.

{Garrett married sweet Kathleen last spring in Seabrook, SC. I was so grateful to attend their wedding with Chris early on in our relationship, especially now that they've become great friends!}

How many of you have heard the following phrases used to describe a guy: rough around the edges, a work in progress, not boyfriend/husband material. I’m willing to bet a good many of you have. I know I started out in this category. But how do men become “boyfriend material?” Well, how do you get your dog to stop peeing in the house? You train them. And as my wife likes to boast to her friends, thanks to years of her efforts I am now husband material, or “well trained.”

Now this is not to say that women don’t need training as well. We're all human. Women don’t just innately know that guys need time with their male friends. Or know how to forgive them for being a little immature and irresponsible once in a while. Or have the ability to recognize that even though they are furious with and want to kill their male counterpart from time to time that maybe, just maybe, their current emotional reaction is a bit stronger than it should be. But I digress.

Here is a list of five facts from my training that men should know, and women think that we know, but we actually don’t know until we have been taught otherwise.

1) Thoughtful gifts are worth way more than expensive gifts. All guys know the stress and anguish associated with trying to find the right gift for your significant other. And because we procrastinate, we all end up getting herded into jewelry stores where we shop based on price tags and commercials. But how are we expected to know what to buy? It’s actually fairly simple, thanks to smart phones. Just keep a list of the things she sees and loves but doesn’t buy. Then when an occasion rolls around, pick something from the list. The moment when she opens her gift and she realizes that you thought to remember that thing she wanted, the price tag on the gift won’t matter.

2) Spontaneity keeps relationships interesting. Thanks to things like InstaGram and Pinterest, men are now locked in an eternal battle to outdo one another to show their significant others how much they love them. Or so it would seem. But you don’t have to outdo @Romeo22, who spent 10 hours writing “I love you Juliet” in floating candles on the lake under the bridge where they had their first kiss. Because @Romeo22 is probably a stalker. It’s the little, spontaneous things that keeps the relationship interesting. Sneak home from work early to cook dinner. Bring home $3 flowers from Trader Joes. Plan a day trip as a surprise. Again, it’s not the size of what you did, but the fact that you thought to do it.

3) Women like to be complimented. This seems obvious, but is more of an art than a science. “Oh my god you look so hot right now.” “Your body is bangin’.” “Your eyes are like (insert anything here).”  These are not what women want to hear. Even overusing terms like “beautiful” and “gorgeous” can be detrimental. Try picking out smaller details. “I love the way your earrings bring out your eyes.” “You hair looks really good that way.” “Your legs look really good in that dress.” Those are compliments that show you’re paying attention.

4) You have to listen, and listening is hard. This is honestly the thing I think is the hardest to master. It takes active effort to tune out your surroundings and listen to what somebody is saying. Don’t glance at the TV over her shoulder. Leave the phone in your pocket. Don’t let your eyes wander south. Even the guys that really try to listen fall short of capitalizing on how much they’re listening. Once you’ve done the hard part of actually listening intently, ask a question that shows you’ve been listening. “Susan is your friend that just got engaged, right? How is she doing?” In one sentence, you’ve proven you were listening and taken an interest in something important to her.

5) The toilet seat. You wake up in the middle of the night. It’s cold and you’re half asleep. You go to the bathroom, sit down, and SPLASH. You’re in the toilet. Trust me, this can happen. And the only thing worse than it happening to you is it happening to your wife. The seat goes up and the seat goes down. Make a little song out of it if you have to.

I’m by no means an expert, and this is not an exhaustive list. I’m actually even reluctant to submit this because I’m now going to have to step up my game quite a bit. But if you can do these five things, you’re off to a good start.

Five Facts from a Guy {about girls} #6

Happy Friday and happy one week into America's 240th year of life! Does anyone else go through a small mourning process when the Fourth is over? I do. It's the best!

Fear not, here to cheer us up this week is Chris' (and now my!) friend, Claude. He lives in North Carolina and has a super sweet job as a college basketball coach. His passion and excitement for his team are daily reminders to me to keep pursuing what I love in life.

Here are his thoughts on girls and dating.

And, in case you've missed them, catch up on the previous Five Facts from a Guy posts.

{I got to know Claude really well last Memorial Day when he spent the weekend in Atlanta. He's become a close friend and always makes me laugh with his great perspective on dating.}

1. Saying maybe is okay, no is even better. Guys love to pursue. Groundbreaking, I know. One of the things that can cool my attraction toward a girl that I am interested in is her being too available. Before the first date has happened, I'm already worried about her being way too into me because she mentioned that she has the next 10 nights available to go grab a drink. Even if you have every night of the week available to hang out, don't let him know that! It adds a bit of mystery to the beginning of a potential relationship and allows for both parties to go through the initial process at a more comfortable speed.

2. Share your passion(s).I might be a tad different than most, but one of the things that I love to find out on an early date is what a girl is passionate about. What do you look forward to each morning when you wake up? It can be anything! There is no wrong answer here, but it's amazing to hear someone open up about what they truly find purpose in.

3. Find out which friends matter.In today's world, we all have a ton of different friend groups that we can easily stay connected with. Some we have just known for a couple weeks, others we work with and some go way back. Whether we like to admit it or not, when a potential girlfriend, or girlfriend, meets my friends that I truly care about, it is a BIG deal. Don't sweat this, but rather be relaxed in knowing that he is probably more nervous than you are! Ask questions and find out whose opinion really matters. The ability to hold your own with his friends is a huge part of the process and it starts with knowing which ones have a voice in his life.

4. It's not a sprint, it's a marathon. One of my closest friends reminded me of that after a break up as I was struggling to get back out there and move on. I think it not only applies to getting over someone, but also to starting something new. In North Carolina, and throughout the South, it often feels like everyone is in a sprint to get married, get a dog, then have kids. Don't get me wrong, those are all great things, but everyone's path is different. I want the girl I'm pursuing to want me to be in the seat across from her at dinner--not for her to just want the seat to be occupied. Remember to enjoy the (sometimes long) journey.

5. Share your "weird". We all have unique characteristics that separate us from each other. One of the things that I always find funny when talking to others about the dating process is how everyone wants to show this polished version of themselves in order to woo a certain significant other. Show us the real you. If it doesn't work out, it's not the end of the world. As a basketball coach, when I recruit, a kid picking another school is almost as good as a yes, because then you get to move on to the next recruit and not waste any more time. Don't be scared to share who you really are, even the things that might make you a little weird.

Five Facts from a Guy {for girls preparing for marriage} #5

Happy Fourth of July weekend Friday, my friends!

I'm at a lake house in south Georgia today, hopefully sipping coffee in a kayak right about now :)

Here to check in with you is my other, also wonderful, brother-in-law, Jose. His post is for all you engaged girls out there, as well as anyone who wants to prepare her heart for marriage. It's never too soon to plan ahead, nahmean?

And, in case you've missed them, catch up on the previous Five Facts from a Guy posts.

{Jose is married to my sister, Ashley. Together they have three adorable boys. I loved reading his post and envisioning Ashley and Jose's relationship. I can see his advice play out so positively between them. Nothing feels better than knowing your sister is in good, thoughtful hands.}

1. Dress modestly in front of my family. I love it when my wife wears attractive clothing because it boosts my ego—I’m proud of my wife’s cute figure. But, that’s not something I want her to flaunt around my family. I don’t want to have to defend her character based on incorrect assumptions. So, when it comes to family affairs, go ahead and dress like Mary Poppins. Remember, his mother grew up in a different generation than you did.

2. Learn how to make one or two good meals. A man really appreciates the work and energy that goes into a home-cooked meal. It even feels like a luxury. I’m so thankful for a meal and I have no qualms about doing all the clean-up. When I can invite family or friends over for a meal, I feel that is one of highest honors I can extend to them. Hospitality is undervalued in our fast-paced society, but a true extension of it leaves a lasting impression.

3. Enjoy life. On our first date, I was most attracted to Ash’s smile and laugh. Although she’s a very attractive woman, that was the thing that sealed the deal. The smiles and laughter revealed that I was dating a joyful person. And, who doesn’t want to be married to a happy wife?!

4. Invest in relationships with your future in-laws. This will pay dividends for years to come. Remember when you marry him, you’re also marrying his family. Grow the relationship and you’ll ultimately strengthen your bond with him. His family will always have some influence on your lives and his decisions. And, when you make decisions that are contrary to what your in-laws want, you have the relationship to stand on.

5. Set your work and family life priorities ahead of time. Not everything can be a priority. When I got married, Ash was a full-time school teacher and she was good at it. She also became a full-time wife and she was good at it. When we had children, we had to prioritize because we had more than we could juggle. So Ash chose to transition to the roles of mother and wife, and she is good at both of them. Not everything can be your top priority and it's important that you and your future spouse identify where you both want to invest your time and energy as you grow in your relationship, jobs, hobbies and begin to have children.

Five Facts from a Guy {about marriage} #4

Happy Friday, friends! I'm in Chicago this weekend to be part of my sweet friend, Jamie's wedding. Here to check in with you this week is my wonderful brother-in-law, Ryan. Below are five facts from him about why he loves marriage. Doesn't every girl love hearing about a guy who loves marriage?! I think so :)

And, in case you've missed them, catch up on the previous Five Facts from a Guy posts.

{Ryan is married to my sister, Courtney. Their sweet fam is expecting their fifth baby in November! They were high school sweethearts and I admire their relationship so much.}

When Whitney asked me to contribute to her blog, I was thrilled, honored, but not sure what I could bring to the table. When one of Atlanta's leaders asks you to do something (she's probably too humble to post this....), first you say yes and then you realize, those are some big shoes to fill! I have seen firsthand, the hurt that comes from failed marriages, but I've also seen that a marriage centered on Christ can be something truly wonderful. After having been married for 12 years (almost), I thought maybe giving a perspective on marriage from a guy's point of view might be a good place to start.

So, here are five reasons (there are many more) why I love marriage and why I think it makes men THRIVE!

1. It has made me even more adventurous. Adventure marks one of the core desires of a man's heart.  We want to LIVE!  Even as a young boy, I knew I was built for a larger story that wasn't just about myself.  I dreamed of being a mighty hero and having a beautiful heroine to share my adventures with.  God created this desire within us from the beginning to pursue and to share in our adventures.  Whenever I travel somewhere new or accomplish something I am proud of, I want to share the experience.  There is infinite value in having someone to share your life's story with.  Not that I wasn't adventurous when I was single, but marriage has brought my adventure to life!

2. It allows me to find truer rest. Life can feel insane.  And society tends to value those with a packed schedule and calendar.  I have found that I never feel truly at rest until I am at home with my wife and kids.  Home can take on a variety of meanings, but I've found it's not a place, but rather the people that compose it. I love exploration and change as much as the next guy, but there is so much comfort in coming home to someone who truly knows you and loves you for all that you are.  Home is where you can receive validation for who you are, all of you, and rest in it.  

3. It has given me a partner for everything. There is no doubt that life can be hard.  There is suffering, loss, guilt, demands and unmet expectations.  Four years ago, my wife was critically ill and we almost lost our unborn son.  It was the darkest and hardest stage of my life thus far.  We all need encouragement.  I live every day of my life with my best friend and biggest support.  As we walked through the months of fear and uncertainty, we had each other to rely on.  I was able to encourage and support her as she struggled through each week.  And she was able to give me hope and help me to lean on the Lord.  We balance one another so well.  When one of us is weak, the other is strong. We have laughed, cried and grown through 12 years of marriage. 

As a man, it can be so hard to admit that I need help.  But there is so much freedom is having a woman by your side who gives you the freedom to do just that.  She encourages me in my faith and leads when I need her to be strong.  God gave women a beautifully fierce heart and it blends perfectly with our own.  

4. It gives me the chance to constantly pursue my wife. I am always pursuing my wife's heart.  Some days I'm better at it than others.  Marriage brings with it an intimacy that I could not have begun to understand when I was single.  There is so much beauty in having someone know you completely and living with a free heart.  Marriage has meant for me a deeper communion with my wife and with God.  Every woman longs to be loved, to be chosen, to have someone value and fight for her.  Men were built to pursue and to fight for you.  Let us do just that.

5. It has helped me understand what love really means. Marriage is filled with beauty.  I delight in my wife.  I find beauty in the evenings when we are dressed up and out for the night.  I find beauty in waking up next to her and having us both look like we needed many more hours of sleep.  I find beauty in watching her raise our children and seeing who they are becoming.  The days can often feel mundane, but there is so much beauty right in front of us.  It is with gratitude and awe that I look at our life together. For a moment I get to see a glimpse of the love that God has for us.  Having four (soon to be five) children has allowed me to realize what a loving father would do for his children, just as our Father would do for us.  I could never have grasped this on my own.  

Five Facts from a Guy {about girls} #3

Hey, Friday friendy fries! I'm back this week with Five Facts from a Guy #3. Enjoy below from my sweet brother, Duke! Have a wonderful weekend!

Duke, Sam and me the first weekend they moved to Atlanta!

1. Be confident in yourself. Guys love girls who are comfortable and confident in who they are. That doesn’t mean you have to have every aspect of your life figured out (because guys definitely don’t either). But having an awareness of where you are in life and the confidence to fully enjoy and appreciate the present is truly attractive!

2. Don’t let us be your everything. It is so easy for a relationship to become an idol that we center our lives around. This can lead to impossible expectations that neither person can ever live up to. Enjoy your relationship. Even LOVE it! Just don’t let it be your only reason for waking up each morning! You can best serve a guy by serving God first. Everything else will follow!

3. Keep your eyes open to the good and the bad. No relationship is perfect. Guys understand this! Let us know if something is bothering you and how we can better serve you. However, we also like to receive compliments and talk about the good aspects of our relationship. A relationship will flourish if we have an understanding of what does work and where we may need to work a bit more intentionally. So next time you want to discuss something that is driving you crazy, try a compliment sandwich! We will feel appreciated and more receptive.

4. Be emotional because guys are too. There is a reason why guys don’t watch The Notebook. It. Will. Make. Us. Cry. If a guy says he is not emotional or doesn’t “feel in that way,” he may not be in touch with his emotional triggers. Everyone has the capability to feel sadness, happiness, anger, fear, and the myriad of emotions in between. And your willingness to be emotionally vulnerable will help us feel comfortable to do the same. So next time a guy says no to watching a Nicholas Sparks movie, just know that the reason is more than us not liking chick flicks.

5. A guy can best see your beauty when you see it in yourself. Girls, we want you to know that you are beautiful. Inside and out. And we want you to own it. You are beautiful with or without a guy telling you so. True beauty comes from your confidence in your own character and your faithfulness to God. From that comes our perception of your external beauty.  And you realizing your own beauty is the most beautiful thing about you.

Five Facts from a Guy {about girls} #2

Happy Friday, friends! I'm back today with Five Facts from a Guy, round two.

Before I dive in, though, I want to make sure I'm addressing an important element of this series. This is not about telling you how to act, what to do differently or where you're inadequate. It's the opposite, in fact. I hope these facts shine light on the idea that you are enough. You are worthy of the best love and I hope this insight reminds you to never settle, to speak up for yourself, maintain your independence and to be confident in your utter beauty.

Today's facts are from my youngest brother, Sam. Here's what he has to say. Enjoy!

{Sam with his cute girlfriend, Abbey}

1. Maintain relationships with your friends. We’ve all been guilty of this one because it’s just so darn easy to do - don’t bail on your friends to spend time with your guy. Why? To start, it will hurt your friends. And dismissing your friends to spend all your time with your guy is a slippery slope towards dependence. And dependence can kind of freak us out. Don’t get me wrong, being apart can feel painful at times, but independence is really beautiful. Plus, some time for bromance makes us all better fellas.

2. Don't be afraid to tell me if I hurt your feelings. If a guy isn't willing to listen, genuinely admit his wrongdoing, and apologize, he doesn't deserve you. I know guys can be a bit  out of touch and stubborn, but that doesn't excuse us from being gentlemen. And don't let a guy play the unaware card; we are fully capable of identifying and understanding your emotional needs.

3. Own your personal style, not what’s in style. This may sting a little but, don’t let the fashion industry fool you; maxi skirts, middle parts and booties don’t look good on everyone. And this goes for men, too - we can't all wear slim fit selvedge denim or a double breasted suit. Do these things look great on some people? Of course. Understand what works for you and wear it with confidence - not for me, not for the world, for you. If high-waisted black jeans and a white tee are your home-runs, wear them, cause they’re your home-runs and you’ll feel confident in them. And there’s nothing more attractive than confidence.

4. My interests don’t have to be your interests. There’s a fine line here. It's a fun feeling to learn you are developing a new, shared interest. But, do you really give a hoot about how many goals Lionel Messi scored in La Liga last season? If that sounds like Spanish to you, that’s ok! I want you to support my interests, but if watching soccer feels more like watching grass grow then enjoy a little time apart. That’s a perfect chance to display your independence or call up those friends!

5. On the flipside, if none of our interests align, it might be time to cut it off. You sleep with all 3 of your cats, I’m allergic to cats. You fist pump to EDM, I want to be lulled to sleep by the Oh Hellos. You like white pizza, pizza blanca, or whatever the heck it’s called, I know that sauce is the best ingredient. You get the picture – we aren’t a match made in Heaven. So call a spade a spade and let it go.  A lack of shared interests will result in boredom and a disconnect.

In case you missed the first one, read last week's Fast Fact from a Guy

Five Facts from a Guy {about Girls}

My dear friend Megan once told me that men are waffles and women are pancakes. When you pour syrup on waffles, it stays in each square; when you pour syrup on pancakes, it goes everywhere. In the same way, men compartmentalize their thoughts, feelings and emotions, which allows them a great ability to turn on and off life influences. On the other hand, for women, everything is connected and there is very limited compartmentalization.

The analogy made me feel like I instantly understood men better. So they can just switch squares? Just like that? Amazing.

It got me thinking about understanding men. I sometimes post things like 10 Things for Single Girls and 10 Things I Can Tell You About Your Husband, which are typically based on insight from Chris and my brothers. So, I thought, why not go straight to the source?

This week, I'm introducing Five Facts from a Guy Friday. I thought it would give all ye ladies the chance to get a little insight into the minds of men. Will their rules be hard and fast? Maybe not. But, I've said it once and I'll surely say it again: men aren't that complicated. They just seem confusing to us because we're living in a pancake world.

Kick-starting this is my kind, wonderful boyfriend, Chris. Here's what he has to say about girls. {Note: I didn't give him parameters or guide him. This is straight from the horse's mouth.}

1. Guys are meant to pursue – and we love it.  Men were made to be chasers, pursuers and hunters when it comes to relationships.  If you want to know if a guy is interested, be patient, be yourself and see if he opens up the pursuit.  You will find out through his actions if he’s interested.  I know a lot of guys who are thrown off when a girl pursues them first – it can be scary to have a girl trying to fill that role.

2. Wet hair and pajamas is the way to go.  I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve seen guys taken aback by a girl wearing too much makeup, but I’ve probably never heard “Man – if only she would wear makeup, she would be so much prettier.” We can feel a girl trying to be noticed and to be pursued.  Dress comfortably and confidently– let the guy see you as you are. We love it when girls have the confidence to dress for themselves, not for others. Ultimately, that’s the version of you your husband will see the most anyway.

3. Keep embracing your own interests. If you don’t like sports, don’t fake it to watch the game with the guy.  It’s usually a well-intended gesture, but if the guy knows you, he knows you aren’t interested and likely not enjoying yourself.  If he wants to watch a game and you don’t, use that time to pursue your own interests.  It’s OK to have separate interests – you each need your own space to pursue these. (But don’t be afraid to ask how our sports teams are doing….especially fantasy ones. We love that.)

4. Own your independence. One of the things I love about Whitney is how deeply she has invested herself in her faith, family, friends, health, blog, career and personal development to ultimately fulfill her. I don’t feel like she is depending on me to “complete” her.  Rather, she wants me alongside as she pursues those passions.  One my best friends once said he didn’t want to be any girl's “vessel to marriage”.  When a girl is just looking for a guy to bring her the marriage/children/house that will then fulfill her, guys sense that, get overwhelmed and question the reason a girl loves them.

5. Challenge us to understand our emotions and feelings.  From what I know (not much), girls are typically more in touch with their emotions than guys are.  I think we, as males, often get uncomfortable becoming in touch with our emotions because we don’t understand them.  We need some pushing here.  When you get to a point in the relationship where it’s appropriate, ask the “why?” questions about his emotions. Recently, Whitney has done an unbelievable job of challenging me explore root causes on my feelings and emotions.  It’s been fascinating to explore this and better understand myself in the process, and has enriched the way we are able to connect.